Holy Wisdom Church
An old-time preacher once began her sermon by asking how many in the congregation might be willing to forgive their enemies. A few bravely hold up their hands. Then after a good twenty minutes analyzing the gospel text she asks again and gets a much better response. After another long round of teaching she asks for a final show of hands. By now all thoughts are wandering toward Sunday dinner, so almost everyone responds positively. She asks one of the others:
"Mrs. Johnson, aren’t you even willing to try forgiving your enemies?"
"I don't have any."
"Mrs. Johnson, why don’t you stand up and tell us how you are able to live without an enemy in the world."
With some help, the woman gets up and slowly turns around: "It’s easy. At ninety three, I’ve outlived those jerks!"
There may be people we feel are our enemies no matter how hard we try otherwise. Maybe someone just seems to hate us. Someone we've offended might not accept our apologies. A person is jealous or antagonistic toward us. Individuals hold grudges in families for some mysterious reason we can never comprehend. And there are those who seem to dislike us for no good reason.
It’s a hard part of life. And when we hear Jesus telling us to love our enemies, it doesn’t feel like that will make it any easier.
In the Gospels Jesus contrasts what his disciples have heard in the past with what they need to practice now. He says, "You have heard it said, 'An eye for an eye.' But I say to you, offer no resistance to one who is evil;" "You have heard that it said you must love your neighbor and hate your enemies. But I say to you, love your enemies. Do good to them, bless them, pray for them."
Of course this may seem impossible, and by nature it is impossible! To love enemies sincerely? To pray for ... whom? Hateful persons working against us?—who not only want us to fail but are trying to destroy us. It seems masochistic —a recipe for psychological and physical disaster. We’re not supposed to be doormats.
But Jesus’ new way of love is not friendship or romantic love. It is seeing and doing from a completely new perspective, as if through the eyes of God. The 12th century mystic theologian Hugo of St. Victor wrote: “Love is the eye!” Through the eye of love and altruism, we see accurately both in religion and in science. This love, agape, is a self-transcending love, a sort of unconquerable benevolence, a social ease and invincible goodwill. The very first word of Jesus in the gospel, “Metanoia,” meaning enter a different, higher mind, points to this new eye, a changed perspective, and a different way of thinking. This new love also works for the ultimate welfare of all. The opposite of metanoia is paranoia, which causes distortion of the eye with its lens of deep suspicion and exclusive self-interest.
Popular writer Fr. James Martin says, “Over the course of many years’ experience, and in light of meditating on the Gospels, I realized three things about loving your enemies.
First, some people may simply dislike you. So it's useless to try to "get" them to like you, much less love you. You cannot change them. You can be open to reconciliation, but you have no control over whether someone will be reconciled with you. Part of this process is letting it go and admitting your own powerlessness.
Second, turning away from insults, hatred and contempt "with the other cheek" is not so others can keep insulting or smacking us: it is for us not to react with anger or retaliate in kind.
Some psychologists say we should give vent to the anger we might be feeling now (rather than let it fester), but responding with a mean put-down, vituperation or vengefulness (two rather large words/weapons) and is a rather childish thing to do. Only babies need to give vent to their anger all the time. We can remain emotionally healthy and still acknowledge our anger and express frustration.
To put it less elegantly than Jesus, if your enemy behaves like a jerk toward you, there's no reason you have to act like a jerk toward him or her or them.
Third, loving our enemies, and praying for those who persecute us, is liberating—it frees us from always fighting for the upper hand or for who's up and who's down, and from analyzing every slight. This does not mean we condone what was said and done, or give in, or deny justice.
Instead, we refuse to let what someone says ruin our spirit and best intentions. We refuse to let what someone does to us alienate us from God and from love and respect for ourselves and others.
Brother Marc
