By
Sister Rebecca
This
morning we are celebrating the eighth and final day of the Exaltation of the
Holy Cross. It is amazing to me how many times during
this feast of the Cross we have sung, recited, and prayed with the single word:
Blessed. This morning upon awakening, it
suddenly dawned on me: the Beatitudes: one of the core teachings and path to
holiness are the Beatitudes: Blessed are the poor in spirit, blessed are those
who mourn…who yearn for justice, who are merciful…who suffer persecution in
Jesus’ name—that is, who suffer because of their choice to follow Christ, to
live in any given situation as a follower, a disciple of Jesus.
The
Cross has become a common external sign, a symbol of being a Christian. It has become a piece of jewelry or a cross
hung on a wall. It is frequently seen in precious metals, gold, silver,
gorgeous shiny wood. During this feast
as well as on Good Friday, the chant is most moving and soul penetrating…at
least for the moment. Yet, I question
myself: how does the meaning of this feast penetrate my own life?
One
of the prayers during this feast has made a deep impression on me: “O God, as
we reflect on this mystery of the Exaltation of the precious cross, ...impress
on our feeble minds how much we need to embrace the cross, in whose rough
surface we see ourselves as we really are.”
So,
this cross, surrounded with beautiful, colorful flowers today, is in reality
challenging me, us, to see it as a mirror reflecting the “rough surfaces” of
our outer and inner lives.
Over
these past 6 months, the rough surface of the cross, not the flowers,
reflects the present tragedies” the pandemic, the fires, the outcome of
hurricanes, suffering, pain, mourning loved ones, and the list goes on. Even though we, in our area, have been
spared most the horrendous outcomes of these calamities, still our lives have
been sorely challenged. But this is only
one side of the mirror of the cross. The flip side is what is mirrored within
ourselves, our ego selves. No one is spared feelings of powerlessness to change
the situations that we are facing: each one of us personally and globally.
At
matins yesterday we heard a reading that resonated in me: “The well-prepared
mind forgets the suffering inflicted from without to the guidance to what has
been contemplated within.” I’d like to unpack this sentence. The first part, “suffering
inflicted from without,” tells us that if our minds stay on the surface, we
will be inclined to indulge in anxiety, worry, blaming, accusing, explaining,
trying to make logical sense of our personal and global plights. We tend
perhaps to go to our heads. However, if
we allow ourselves to go deeper to the second part of the reading, looking at
suffering from “what has been contemplated within,” we will see with clarity
how our ego selves are trying to control what is not in our control. What is going on in my mind when I come into
contact with what upsets my planning, with what bruises me, with what
challenges me in my daily life?
An
example: the other day as I was on my way to a doctor’s appointment, I found
myself behind a very slow tractor going 15 miles an hour in a 45-miles-per-hour
zone. I was not alone; there were others
ahead of me and behind. There was no way
to pass the tractor. What was going on within me? Of course, like most in such a situation,
there are thoughts, like: how come he doesn’t pull over…there was a spot where
he could have…I am going to be late…my cell phone will surely be out of
range…feelings of impatience, frustration.
All this going on within seconds. Then, ok! This is small stuff, peanuts!
There is nothing I can do to change this, so just breathe in and stay in the
present moment, notice what is in front of me, and for the first time I saw
some of the awesome beauty of the hillsides, especially seen in the light of
the rising sun… Eventually the farmer took a side dirt road—and then, of
course, feelings of relief.
I
mention such a small apparently banal situation because this kind of thing is
typical. Red lights are another example; they are one of a multitude of
situations where we are not in control of life. And our ego reactions are
mirrored to us when we cannot do what we want or need to do in any given
situation.
I
personally find that paying attention to the small gritty sides of my life
makes me aware of willfulness rather than willingness to face life’s crosses
consciously, intentionally, in the light of Christ’s presence, which never
leaves us. When I find myself succumbing to irritation or any other negative
reaction, it is not God who is absent, it is my mind that is absent, my “unprepared
mind,” as the saying above expresses.
Unprepared mind: it is staying on the surface of my attention and
especially when glued into my ego-mind.
The
cross is most often not one we choose but the ones that are thrust on us
through life’s circumstances. When we look
beneath the veneer of our attitudes, we quickly see a kind of
ego-self-centeredness that persistently puts our personal needs and agendas
before the well-being of others or even the so-called lowly creatures of God.
Austrian neurologist,
psychiatrist, and Holocaust survivor Viktor
Frankl once said, "When we are no longer able to change a situation... we
are challenged to change ourselves."
This
attitude of putting our agenda ahead of others is perhaps one of the biggest
obstacles to the manner of seeing and hearing the word of God within us, to
really listen to our soul consciousness. Practicing soul consciousness allows
us to see blessedness around us; the cross cuts through the blindness of
egocentricity to see what is most precious in life, to notice the subtle
sensitivity around us, to feel connected with myself, with others and creation.
Paradox of paradoxes: what is felt as death-dealing is in fact life-giving.
Isn’t this why we surround the cross with flowers during this feast? The cross
viewed in this light is blessedness in the deepest sense of the word. It is the path to the deep-seated learning to
live in the spirit of the beatitudes.
Before
the Divine Liturgy today, we went outdoors for the procession and blessing of
the Cross to the four corners of the earth.
May these blessings go out to the entire world, reminding us that we are
all connected during these challenging times. May all people who suffer receive
strength, consolation, and gratitude–especially the front-line workers, those
who tirelessly dedicate themselves to the well-being of all humanity.
